who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
