My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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