if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
