return my video game
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
