I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
