Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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