Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize