How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
