I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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