saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
