are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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