God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
