We're facebook friends in real life
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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