i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
