just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Someone signed my nipple.
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