you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
