Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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