I can text with my tongue
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize