Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
