i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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