I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
