You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
