I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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