Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
