Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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