Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
