Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
