just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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