with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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