If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
