My nipple is on Facebook.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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