We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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