Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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