this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
