got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
