I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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