i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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