I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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