well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I want is dick and wine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
