I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
