This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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