sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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