When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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