Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
