Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
