guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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