wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
