nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
