honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think my mom watched the whole time
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
