I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize