Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
did i just pee glitter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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