you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
