You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
