Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
