i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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