hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
