We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
