dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
