If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize