oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
