I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
North Korea, Best Korea!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
