How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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