hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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