Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
