Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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