also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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