Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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